I rarely ever compress drum tracks to fix volume issues like this, but if it will help your track, try it. If there are only a few "baddies" then I will usually just edit them (replace the loudest and the softest offenders) rather than compress them. This is often easier and results in less effect artifacts. Don't fear the editor. Its why you have it. I mean, if you're going to "fix" the part, then fix it, man, and choose the way that works best. If the kick track is unusably inconsistent, I'll replace it with a triggered sample. You can even trigger a sample of his actual kick if you absolutely want to match the sound. There are no rules.
As for how picky you should be, well, how good do you want the take to be? All drummers have to learn to control dynamics, especially when they start recording. I haven't heard your problem track, but assuming it's really a problem, I'd say that even though your drummer is good, he still has some work to do.
Some drum tracks, like prog-rock, jazz, etc. can be very dynamic, and it works. But lots of rock, r&b, country, pop, etc. needs a drum sound that is very consistent and polished. I call it "sounds like a drum machine, feels like a real drummer". Jim Keltner is a master of this. A lot of drummers don't like Keltner, because he's typically not flashy - but the fact is, his rock-steady style has "made" the sound of many hit songs. Or consider classic disco - all about the drums, all live drumming - and super, ultra consistent and solid. Playing like this is as much a part of the art as playing like Buddy Rich.
I would suggest a non-confrontational review of the tracks with the drummer, pointing out the problem. Like any instrument, you have to learn to play it in the way that sounds best to the listener, as opposed to the way that sounds best to the performer. From the drummer's perspective, it may sound really powerful to slam the drums for major impact. I'm guessing that, if the dummer is as good as you say, if he knew what the audience was hearing, he'd want to adjust his style.